You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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