i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
