So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
