Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
