I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
love makes seman taste better
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
