i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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