I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
