i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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