marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
