i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Are we still banned from the library?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
