My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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