i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
