How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
