remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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