That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
