is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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