We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
