I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
