I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
