PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
