Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
