Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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