this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
