Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
