You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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