went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
