i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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