You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
