making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize