Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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