i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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