we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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