is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
