I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
