so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
nutella sex= disaster
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
