I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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