You just made me feel so damn special
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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