It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
