just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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