So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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