Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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