That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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