dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
