i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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