Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
