I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
