Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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