He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
