I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
