We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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