I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
