my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
