I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
