Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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