Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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