so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
