So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
