ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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