Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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