Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
