I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
