He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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