If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
