The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she peed on how many people?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
